I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
