When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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