Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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