just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Everything about him screamed your future.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
