we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
