I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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