I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is Oprah even human
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize