Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
