lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
