Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
