So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
