I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
