So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
