Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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