sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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