peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
