Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
