I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
