Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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