After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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