i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Blood and glitter go together right?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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