I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
