Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
