Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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