How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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