Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
