If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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