I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
