i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
