When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
either way he was missing a nipple.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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