I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
