Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
