well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
