Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
