but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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