i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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