he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
