so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
