I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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