the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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