yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
