If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
