You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize