Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
