you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
