Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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