This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
