1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
