im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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