Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Green mimosas i think yes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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