So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
