i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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