just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
