Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize