i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
