so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
