I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
