Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
