I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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