so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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