Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
