He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
