she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
foreskin is a definite game changer
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
