I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
